How to save your relationship from breaking down during isolation
At the time of writing this article, the world is being ravaged by Coronavirus. During this pandemic, people all over the world have been locked down for weeks (some even months).
On top of the stresses that lockdown brings, there are a lot of people that are experiencing significant financial hardship due to job losses. Some have got family members that are sick.
In short, we're living in a bucketload of uncertainty and scarcity. There's a lot of fear being pushed out. And it’s bringing up lots of emotions.
So in this article, I’m going to offer my advice for navigating through this time stronger and better for it. I don't want to see the divorce rate go up as a result of this pandemic, just like I don't want to see any more businesses being closed and lost.
Realize they’re not the enemy
It's really important to notice that if something happens in your environment that triggers you, own that trigger, own that response and find a way to appreciate it.
Because what's happening is that the love, the experience, the situation you’re going through right now, the mass awakening is causing anything that is not love, anything that is not in harmony and harmoniously sitting within the body to come to the surface.
So thank them for triggering you. "Thank you darling, for triggering me. Thank you for bringing this up right now, I wasn't aware that it was there."
Then go and do the work. Go and journal, go and work out.
What created that environment that caused the trigger to come in the first place?
The worst thing to do though is to blame your partner or to blame your kids for making you angry. No one has the power to make you angry except you.
Learn their love language
If you don't already know your partner's and your love language, do the love language test. Work out what your partner's love language is and what yours is.
Because often as human beings, we communicate to the other person unconsciously the way we want to be communicated to.
If you've got a person in a relationship whose love language is acts of service or quality time, and you're going to be trying to give them physical touch all the time, they're not going to receive love that way. Because it's not their love language.
So spend some time learning to understand your partner's love language, and how to communicate with them in their ‘mode’. And let them understand yours.
I've been in a lot of relationships where I've loved spending time with my partner, so much that I've neglected my own needs!
I’ve stopped going to the gym, I've neglected meditating, or I’ve given up something that I ‘used to do’ before I found this amazing partner.
But that meant I neglected doing the things that I needed to keep showing up at my best in the relationship.
So as much as you might want to spend every second of every day around your partner, make sure you're honoring yourself and some time alone.
Spend some time in isolation, meditating, listening to music, doing a workout, going for a run, or journaling. Whatever it is for you, but make sure you honor that time. Equally too, make sure you communicate that to your partner.
Use the language of life
I think the single biggest breakdown in any relationship is communication. People are not being taught how to communicate in such a way that their partner can understand. This is where a lot of triggers come from.
Last year, I read the book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. It details a beautiful way to be able to express and communicate your feelings and your needs to your partner without blaming them or making it their fault.
If we look at men, their need in a relationship is the need to feel appreciated. Ladies, when's the last time you said to your man, "Hey, I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking the rubbish out, I appreciate that you made your bed this morning, I appreciate that you go to work and bring an income in." Whatever it is.
Equally to men, women just want to be understood and not fixed. So if you get home and they've been there with the kids all day, take them aside, put the kids in front of the telly or outside to play.
Then take them aside and go, "Cool, how's your day? Tell me about it." Not so you can fix it, not so you can make it better. Just listen to them.
They just want to be heard and understood. Then you can ask, "Hey babe, out of all you've shared right now, is there anything you'd like my help with?”
Schedule tech-free time
Make sure there's some time technology free in your day. Not in front of Netflix or your favorite TV series or in front of your phones - make sure there's real, face-to-face time where you can really connect.
A good way to do this is to sit with your partner on the bed, cross-legged, face-to-face. Then hold their hands and just look into their eyes. Don't communicate, don't talk, but spend some time just holding their hands and just connecting with their eyes. You'll be amazed at what starts to come up and shift when the need for us to verbally communicate is taken away.
Over to you...
If you like this content, if you want some more of this, please comment, reach out and let me know. I'd be more than happy to build some more around this. This is something I'm very, very passionate about.
And if you’d like to discuss anything I’ve written about in this article, please drop a comment and my team will put us in touch.